I've done it. I'm sad about it. Don't know how to fix it.
You may ask yourself, is it possible to spoil a little baby? Well I am here to tell you, it is. and I have done it.
Congratulations to me.
I have mananged to spoil an innocent babe just shy of his 4 month birthday. I must have broken some kind of record somewhere. I'm sure the trophy would read 'World's worst first time Mother, watch out' or something to that effect.
I had plans. So many big plans about how good of a Mom I was going to be. Boy did that go down hill. Fast.
I was under the impression, you know from my vast experience as an Auntie, that raising my own kids would be... well not easy, but not nearly as hard as this has been.
How does one fail in motherhood in under 4 months?!
Furthermore, I did not in a million years ever think I would have a Colicky baby. Well it just goes to show you how unpredictable life is. Oh and I've learned my lesson, dont ever make plans for the future. You just never know how it will turn out.
This is very possibly the most depressing post of my short blogging life.
I could just scream.
Why does no one ever tell you how hard this mothering thing can actually be??
And why do I feel jealous and self-critical when I see other moms with easy babies. Or hear how much they 'just love being a mom! it's the greatest thing in the world!' Humph.
Their enthusiasm makes me want to puke. Or cry. Maybe both.
I used to believe this is what I was designed to be. A mother and a wife. Well imagine my surprise when I came to the realization that I'm not very good at either of those roles.
I have concluded that because I have never heard of anyone having as tough a time as I am having, it has to be me. Alllll me.
I'm in a real pickle here.
I never would have thought that I could fail at something that I always believed came naturally. You know, that 'maternal instinct' everyone talks about?
Well, I think I'm missing mine.
If anyone has an extra one, I would be willing to make some kind of trade.
6 comments:
When you went to school, did you know how to be a hygenist? No, it took time, patience, lots of practice and learning. Little Noah picked YOU as his mother, and I know that he wanted you and only you! Don't worry about comparing yourself to others, if everyone was made the same where would our world diversity come from. Heavenly Father will only give us what we can handle, so I just think he knows your capabilities and that is why you have these struggles and other mothers don't. Hang in there Kevy it will get easier, I promise!
Hmmm... who told you that it was easy being a mother? They are crazy and abnormal... don't listen to them :)
And trust me, even the mothers who seem to be doing great, and saying their babies are little angels are big fat liars, if you only KNEW what was going on in their homes, you'd feel better.
It's tough, but it will get easier... and the first baby is always the biggest adjustment, when you get to your sixth, it'll be a breeze... haha...
Love ya... hang in there.
awe...Kevy, don't feel bad, you're a good mom, I've seen you! I mean look how much patience you have with that poor coliky little guy! You're doing great!
Diddo on everyone Kev! It takes time...and little hansun dude picked you!! And he loves you all the more for cuddling him a little extra and not cleaning your house as much as you used to cuz you HAVE to hold him, standing up, while dangling several toys in front of him! Your a wonderful, beautiful Mom! DON'T EVER forget that! Love you.
Thanks ladies. I needed a good cry :) It made me feel SO much better. I appreciate all the support, more than you know.
And thanks Amanda.. I think I'll stick to ONE baby :) we'll see if it's all true, if it really does get easier, THEN we'll talk of more. But thats just TALK!
Love you all!
i'm still blog stalking you. I have a hard baby too. Idon't even make freinds with people who say they have good babies. I am up every 2 hours at night and sometimes for hours at a time and always up by 5am. she hates nursing, won't do it outside of her room, so if were out she'll go hungry. she demands to be held all the time to the point where my 2 year old will ask people at church to please hold her. i'd like to think the harder the baby the cuter the baby, so you don't get mad at them. and lets face it our babies our cute. and one other thing i'd wish i'd known with my first, get in playgroups, even if noah doesn't care, you will find it a great break, i didn't do that ,but i do now, i didn't realize that babies can get bored easily, keekee is happy when we are out doing things, we are out a lot, cuz of the 2 year old. ok and if you are having trouble keeping you house in order or getting it together everyday www.flylady.net has saved my life. keep holding him all the time and getting up with him at night, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel eventually. ok, my 2 cents. good luck, they are funner after a year!
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