saturday morning

I paced my room this morning walking Elin to sleep. She felt so right in my arms. A perfect fit. Snuggled close to my body, cheeks wonderfully chubby and rosy as she moved her mouth in a mock sucking motion. Her eyes started to droop and my heart felt full. This quiet moment fills me with love and wonder and a touch of sadness. Sadness at how quickly I know these years will pass. Moments like this make all the hard, frustrating, and incredibly long days fade into the background. Looking at her then I knew I would gladly do it all again. For each of my precious children. I would suffer through the hours of incredible pain to bring them into the world. I would cry all over again at the frustration and pain of nursing. The emotional and physical toll pregnancy takes on a mothers body. The feelings of utter aloneness through the sleepless nights that seem to stretch on and on and on. I would do it all again in a heartbeat. Just for moments like these. When I realize how beautifully blessed I am.

xoxo,
Mom

It's almost midnight. What am I still doing awake? Trying to postpone tomorrow for a little longer I guess. Not that anything bad is happening. I just like the quiet end to my long crazy days. It's hard to give up that little bit of peace and alone time that I get before it all starts up again. I am tired of being out of shape so I've been doing a post-pregnancy DVD and weight watchers for an entire weekF now. No cheating, no veering off course. I'm so proud of myself! You're probably laughing right now, but for me this is monumental! I've never held on for seven straight days before. I always talk myself out of it. Plus I'm even excited to continue. Weird right? Its hard work and it cuts into my already sleep deprived schedule, but you can't beat that triumphant feeling you get when you finish something that before felt so out of reach for you. I'm looking forward to seeing results one day soon.

I cannot believe how fast these last few months have gone. Already a new year! 2011 was a great year for our family. We bought our first home, we celebrated Masyns first birthday, found out we were pregnant with a very unexpected third baby, endured a horrible pregnancy, Ed turned 30, had our fifth wedding anniversary, welcomed our beautiful baby girl Elin, Noah turned 4 (how crazy is that!) celebrated Christmas with both our families, and made so many wonderful memories. The last couple of months are a little fuzzy for me while we were working on getting miss Elin to sleep, but I'm pretty sure we had a great end to our year :) we learned a lot, had a lot of fun, and have been incredibly blessed. I already have a good idea of a few things I want to work on this year including, being more patient, positive, motivated, inspired, and supportive. Oh and I want to be a better cook. Like waaaaaay better. I think my family will appreciate my efforts in this area particularly! I'm really looking forward to the new surprises this year has for us! I hope that I have enough trials to keep me humble, that I give enough love to overflow, and that I learn enough to continue growing.