Why is it whenever I think about my Son's impending first birthday, my heart leaps into my throat, tears well up in my eyes and I struggle for breath?
I keep thinking that perhaps if we just don't pay attention, if we just don't celebrate. If we look the other way when November 11th comes and goes, somehow my baby won't get older. That maybe he'll stay short and toothless and keep needing me in that baby way of his for the rest of his life.
I never imagined being this attached to another human being. Especially one that gave me so much trouble right from the start. I think that's why I feel so cheated. I spent countless hours wearing out the floor of our little apartment. Pleading with him for some sleep, some break in his raging Colic.
Sure, I complain sometimes. Okay... alot, but the truth is I bonded with the little guy so much over those ridiculously trying 5 1/2 months that it's hard for me to accept the fact that he won't need me like that ever again. And that sucks.
There's something about going through a trial with someone that makes you more in tune with one another when it's over.
Why is it when I picture my big 1 year old, I see college, mission, marriage right around the corner.
I talked to Ed about my frustrations the other night. Here's how it went...
Me: Ed, my baby is turning one soon.
Him: I know Kev.
Me: Isn't there something you can do about that?
Him: *laughs* Like what, stop him from growing up?
Me: Yes, please.
Him: *laughs again* I don't think there's much I can do about that.
Me: I hate this.
Here's what I know.
I love my little man, and I know I will love my bigger man. I am excited for each milestone in his life, even though I know they will bring me closer to the day when I will have to let him go. I know that I should stop being selfish and remember that this is about him, not me. That this is an exciting time in his life and I am blessed to be a major part of it.
I also know that even though he may get older, taller, smarter, and with alot of luck... quieter..... this kid?... he will always be my baby.
9 comments:
cute! IT is so true, I wish I could freeze my child at each age, but then it seems that as they change I am more in love with the "stage", so my advice is to enojy the stages as they come!
Oh Kev....you have such a way of putting things so beautifully into words!! He's going to be 1 y/o already? They grow up too fast!!!
wow - time is flying! Just think, this time last year we were sitting in Sue's basement. Great pics!
Am I a suck baby for crying in this post?? :) Love him, and love you. He will ALWAYS need you Kev. XOXO
That was such a cute post! I really think you should be a professional writer! You do have a way with words...
I can't believe Noah is turning 1! When's the big day?
MAY baby he'll be? Hmmm... and I was so sure he was born in November.
Great post!
Well NOW I just sound like a fool!
hahaha better you than me I say :)
Kevyn, you're so sweet. Noah is lucky to have you as a mom!
Happy birthday Noah!
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