a long, pictureless post - read if you dare.

Being a Mother is not for the weak, I have come to realize. It is much harder than anyone could ever explain to you. Much like labour is. No one can tell you exactly how or what that kind of pain feels like, you just have to experience it for yourself to know. Noah is entering his terrible two's. And before I didn't believe all the hype people said it was like raising two year olds. But today I became a believer. It's chaotic! And not in a good way.

Yesterday we had a bit of a break down. And when say 'we' I mean both Noah and I, but mine was slightly more shameful considering I am the adult and parent around here. I won't give you all the hilarious details, but the end result was me huddled in a corner of the bedroom with tears running down my face. I think what threw me off the most was that usually when it's just the two of us, he communicates and responds so well to patience and a soft voice. But not that day. It came out of no where and hit me hard. There was no reasoning with this little man. No sir. Today I was a bit more prepared for it and had a prayer in my heart and mind all day to stick with patience and kindness. I'm happy to report I only cried once, and it doesn't even count because it was over a Hallmark commercial I saw on TV. Mission accomplished I say. It was a small but large feat for me and I'm grateful that I had the help of our Father in Heaven throughout.

I am currently reading this book called "Mothering with Spiritual Power" and in it the author explains that although we often forget, our children are his children too. He loves them and wants the best for them much with the same intensity, if not more, than we do. So calling upon him for help in leading and guiding these little ones, His little ones, is something we should be doing daily. It also talks about forgiving ourselves as Mothers. Something I think everyone of us Mommies need to hear over and over again. We are learning on our feet every day with new challenges and steps. It's easy to slip up, lose your patience say or do something in anger and then regret it later. The hard part is forgiving ourselves of our shortcomings. The part that I took to most was when she explains that children are very forgiving and merciful, as is our Heavenly Father, but we as mothers tend to carry guilt with us long after an argument or a slip up occurs. I see this clearly in my own life. I have raised my voice to Noah who was scared and started crying. I instantly felt remorseful and apologized and he came running to me for a giant hug and kisses. Not 30 seconds later he was laughing and playing with me and his toys. I however felt horrible for the rest of the day and into the night. It wasn't until Ed and I were laying in bed that night that I told him what had happened. He held me while I cried. I felt like a failure. I felt sick at the thought of losing my patience and resorting to screaming at my son. I kept picturing his little sad face over and over. I felt bad for a few more days until I read this particular chapter where she says that it's difficult for us to be good Mother's if we are still carrying around guilt and the burden of failure on our shoulders. Anyways, I can't put it into as good of words as she can. But it inspired me. Made me want to be better and freed me of my burden of feeling guilty. I moved on and have tried my hardest not to repeat that mistake again. I won't lie and say that I've succeeded in doing so. BUT I have found it easier to move on afterwards and be the same kind of Mother I know I want to be. It's very liberating! I suggest you all try it. Forgive a little. We're most of us students in this too.


Recently I have been reflecting on some of the trials a few of my girlfriends are faced with in their lives at the moment. It's heartbreaking to watch people you love go through things that you know are hard and trying. Especially when you feel you can't do anything but be a support. But in some cases that is all someone may need. A kind word or gesture. I am surprised at how little things that people do for me change my whole attitude and outlook for the rest of the day. Tonight Ed folded and put away a whole basket full of laundry! I walked around feeling like I had just won the lottery. My spirits were lifted and I felt renewed. As funny as that sounds. I hope I can remember to be that kind of uplift for at least one person throughout my day. It could make a world of difference for someone.

As I was contemplating what I can do to lift someone that seems to be struggling I also thought, what else can I learn from this? How can I benefit my family with this new idea? Again, it is something small. It reminds me of the quote "By small and simple things are great things brought to pass" I can learn to be more grateful. You know how most people make New Years resolutions? Well I am making a lifetime resolution. To be grateful for the things I have in my life. Like REALLY grateful. For instance...

I am grateful for the closet I have overflowing with dirty laundry. Because that means that if we aren't yet naked, my family has more clothing to fit their backs in a week than most people have in a lifetime.

I'm grateful that I get to make supper every night because we have an abundance of food sufficient for our family's needs.

I am grateful for our teensy, itsy bitsy apartment because we have a roof over our heads and place we call home.

I'm grateful for the blessing of having children and hearing my Sons laughter mixed in with his Dad's every night before bed, because some people are unable to experience what a miracle that is.

I could go on and on, and I'm totally getting sappy and misty eyed. But on one final note I am grateful for family and friends that make our lives full and rich and beautiful!

Goodnight.