yes, I think I would

Today I was reminded of a question my dear Uncle Clyde once asked...

"If you were standing, up to your neck, in a large vat of human feces and someone was about to dump an even larger bucket of snot on your head, would you duck?"

So I'm curious...would you?

Storytime

Alright, so here it is...

I haven't had my hair cut since about three weeks before Noah was born. Yup, that would calculate to just about 7 months ago. Go ahead and say it, I know you're thinking it... Ew. Split end city. Needless to say I was desperate. Not only to get my hair healthy again, but to have something 'new' done with it as well. What I really wanted was a cute, short bob but then I would fall into that category of first having children then chopping your hair right off. I always said I wouldn't do that..... right away at least. So I opted for something classic with bangs and shorter layers so I could get some body with it.

FYI: You lose scary, and I mean scary amounts of hair after having children. What's that about?! As if our bodies aren't changing enough. You know how they say your body will never be the same again?? Truer words were never spoken. I knew about the inevitable cup size upgrade, the required stretch marks, the widening of the hips and even the never ending belly fat afterwards. What I didn't count on was everything else changing. Yes I lost almost all of my hair on my head, to the point where I told Ed I was scared I had cancer. But what they don't tell you is you grow hair all over your face, in a cruel attempt to make up for all the loss. I have one eyebrow now, instead of two and have to take a weed whacker to it every three days just to keep it toned down. I have a cowlick directly in the middle of my forehead where I part my hair, I have sideburns that I have NO idea what to do with, and in certain lights I have a peachy fuzz mustache!

I have a theory about why women 'let themselves go' after having their babies. It's because they take one look in the mirror and realize that their work load has tripled just to keep themselves looking decent, and well... its just too darn depressing.

Anyhow, back to my story... I really haven't had the best track record with hair cuts. No one can seem to get it right. Either I'm not explaining it correctly, or they aren't listening properly. Well... this time I don't think she was listening at all.

It's official... I have a mullet. Sigh. It's true. I even contemplated just how long I could stay indoors with no human contact and still survive. It didn't look promising. And so I must go on living my life. Scaring women and children everywhere I go. Each day I pull out my old box of photo's and try to remember the old me. The one I didn't think looked so bad, the one who on a really good day could even manage to turn a couple of heads. SIGH. She is dead to me now. There is only a hip widened, pectorallysuperior, unibrowed, stomach flabbied, hairy-faced version of her... now sporting a shiny she-mullet. I love my life.

Bless my good husband, because when I came home from the butcher's hair salon he took one look at my tear streaked face and said.. "I like it Baby! It's different, but I like it." Which I can only imagine translates into... "Holy Shozbot, you look like a man." He's a brave, brave soul.

So the moral of the story.... If you ever see a friendly looking, dark haired, petite woman named Brenda walking towards you yielding a pair of very sharp hair cutting scissors... run away. run far far away.

The End.

we're bored

Today is a real lazy Sunday seeing how winter decided to drop on us all over again. The snow is ridiculous and according to my husband, it's "minus retarded outside" That's code for really really cold :) I love him. He always makes life interesting, and has many great entertaining moments. However, since I am still on 'time-out' for dressing up Noah in pink frilly nonsense I shall refrain from sharing those stories until further notice...

Instead I will leave you with some cute pictures of our cute son doing nothing in particular over our snowed-in weekend.

Shortly after this picture was taken, this onesie died a quick and stinky death as Noah's diaper exploded up and out and was just too yucky for Mommy to even try and clean.

I like the angle on this one. For once his head looks like the smallest part of his body.

This is proof of my boredom. It took me nearly 20 minutes to get these babies to balance just right. Ed ruined my fun and eventually knocked over my neato star towers.
He was really excited to finally be getting out of the house. Little did he know it was much less fun outside in the freezing snow and wind. I hope it goes away soon.

Now that's talent

My Husband: The master of sleeping anywhere, anytime, any way...

How one can sleep so uncomfortably, I'll never know.

I must have my exact spot on the exact same side of the bed every night. Sure I cuddle with Ed, but only until I'm tired enough to surrender to sleep. Then it's into my spot for me. I also must have my pillow. If Ed tries to switch mine with his... I will know it. I have very sensitive hair follicles, but that's another story.

Dead Meat...

is exactly what I'll be when Ed see's these pictures.

This is what happens when you are the only boy at a pink girly party...

my baby boy

Surprised? Didn't think so.
Do I ever really post about anything else? Not so much.

So I'm crossing my fingers that the flu bug we have been sooo generously passing back and forth over the last few weeks is finally behind us. I have officially survived my first time being sick while still having to take care of a baby. Whew and I thought I was tired before.
It was touch and go there for awhile but I'm happy to report we all made it through, relatively unscathed. I honestly couldn't have made it without my beautiful, adoring, handsome, loving, strong husband. Who still thought I was beautiful when I was laying half dead on the couch in old sweats with 3 days of Noah's puke all over my shirt and an obvious and total lack of personal hygiene. He's sweet.

Other than our house turning into a hospital ward, life has gone on rather normally. Ed continues to amaze me as he works 2 jobs, goes to school, spends time with his family and still helps me out around the house whenever he can. What a trooper.

Noah is busy growing up way too fast. People always try to guess his age and are almost always 2 months older than he really is. He loves to bounce in his Jolly Jumper and his favorite person is.... of course his Daddy. I could be chopped liver for all he cares when his Dad is around. He only has eyes for him. Sigh. I suppose it makes sense. I am the strict one. I am the grown up one. I am the serious one. He comes to me for the essentials, food, clothing, cleaning and sleep. It sounds reeeeal exciting. Daddy gets all the fun roles, playing, laughing, tickling. Hmm, actually I don't blame him. If given the choice, I wouldn't pick me either :)

I can't believe he's going to be 5 months on Friday! It seems so long, yet so short. Here are a few random pictures I've been meaning to share for awhile now. Enjoy.

All tuckered out from playing with Daddy.. again.

Getting ready to work out with Mommy's head band

Enjoying his naked time, and tummy time too. FINALLY. It was hard for the poor little guy. You try lifting that big head when your little muscles aren't used to anything yet!

Havin' a nap
No idea what's going on here, he's just a cutie.

Giving Daddy some kisses

Yumm, srawberries!

I get this smile whenever I rescue him from the confines of his crib every morning and nap time.

Sitting pretty

A true water baby, lovin' his tubby time.

he has a way with words

My computer won't let me download pictures right now. SO mad.
Sigh.

I'll leave you with a short story instead:

The other day I was getting Noah ready to go out and I noticed his shirt was fitting a little tight. Hmm. Oh well, it was a super cute shirt so I squeezed him into it anyways. I sat him in his bumbo so I could get my jacket on. When I came back he was looking up at me so innocently with his dark eyes and five yes, count them, five double chins. I didnt even know you could have that many!
I called Ed into the living room to ask his opinion.
Wrong decision. Lesson learned.
I said "Hun, do you think we're going to have a bigger child??"
He looked at me and laughed. "Oh no Kevyn, you don't have to worry about that! He has my body!"
Ummmm. Foot in mouth?? That's what I thought too...

yummy

Apparently our days at home just aren't exciting enough. Noah decided to spice up our afternoon by doing this...

It's a good thing he's cute. You can't see it very well in the first picture, but while I was waiting for Ed to get the shower going, the little guy decided to make matters just a tad worse and throw up all over his feet and my newly clean counter top. I was trying to hold him as far away from my body as possible, but he kept slipping all over the place in his strategically placed puke pile. Sigh. I think you're right Amanda, eventually we all embrace the puke. It's hard not to when it is your life.

Houston, we have a problem

I've done it. I'm sad about it. Don't know how to fix it.

As if I don't already have enough insecurities about being a Mother. I have raised a spoiled child.
You may ask yourself, is it possible to spoil a little baby? Well I am here to tell you, it is. and I have done it.
Congratulations to me.
I have mananged to spoil an innocent babe just shy of his 4 month birthday. I must have broken some kind of record somewhere. I'm sure the trophy would read 'World's worst first time Mother, watch out' or something to that effect.
I had plans. So many big plans about how good of a Mom I was going to be. Boy did that go down hill. Fast.
I was under the impression, you know from my vast experience as an Auntie, that raising my own kids would be... well not easy, but not nearly as hard as this has been.
How does one fail in motherhood in under 4 months?!
Furthermore, I did not in a million years ever think I would have a Colicky baby. Well it just goes to show you how unpredictable life is. Oh and I've learned my lesson, dont ever make plans for the future. You just never know how it will turn out.
This is very possibly the most depressing post of my short blogging life.
I could just scream.
Why does no one ever tell you how hard this mothering thing can actually be??
And why do I feel jealous and self-critical when I see other moms with easy babies. Or hear how much they 'just love being a mom! it's the greatest thing in the world!' Humph.
Their enthusiasm makes me want to puke. Or cry. Maybe both.
I used to believe this is what I was designed to be. A mother and a wife. Well imagine my surprise when I came to the realization that I'm not very good at either of those roles.
I have concluded that because I have never heard of anyone having as tough a time as I am having, it has to be me. Alllll me.
I'm in a real pickle here.
I never would have thought that I could fail at something that I always believed came naturally. You know, that 'maternal instinct' everyone talks about?
Well, I think I'm missing mine.
If anyone has an extra one, I would be willing to make some kind of trade.

moco...

Is the spanish word for this lovely little thing hanging so innocently out of my son's nose. So call me a copycat, but I just had to follow after Amanda's post awhile ago. Although I think you would agree that my post does not make you want to throw up nearly as much as Amanda's did.

I would also like to add that even with a little boogie on his face, he's still the cutest thing I've ever seen!

And the debut of the most precious hat in the world. A steal of a deal at old navy for just 10 bucks. Auntie Sarah wasn't a fan of it, and was embarrased to hold Noah in the mall while he was wearing it. UNTIL of course she heard some strangers say 'Awww, look at his cute little hat!' Pffftt, silly sarah. Don't you know he looks good no matter what he wears?

Oh, almost forgot to mention that, that is a 6-12 month hat. Sigh. My poor little baby. One day I hope he will grow into his head.

Noah: "So Daddy, should I wear the double chin and the chubby cheeks with this outfit?"