another baby?

Yesterday was a first.

I was chatting with a lady when she motioned toward my stomach and asked if I was expecting baby #2

Ouch.

I always thought that if I was faced with THAT moment, I would start crying, or tear up or something equally emotional.

I didn't.

I calmly patted my 'baby bump' and simply said "Nope, just leftovers from the first one"

Sigh. January 1st is the day. The day I start doing something about this situation I find myself in. Ed's mother and sister have both been very successful in losing weight with a particular diet. It's my turn to try it out. Hopefully now that I have written it 'out loud' I will be more determined to go through with it.

Here I go. You can do it Kev, you can do it. You'll get down to your goal weight....

Just in time to get pregnant again :) Yay

all you need is love

Tonight I just need to tell you how much I adore my handsome Lovely.

He inspires me to do better, to be better.

He is sensitive to my emotions (and let's face it, that's a full time job in itself)

He is so funny, and I wonder how I ever laughed before he came into my life.

He's a romantic. Not in the typical fashion, but he has his own ways and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

He's a communicator. He didn't start out that way(neither did I) but we've come to understand one another and I feel more safe with him than I ever thought possible.

He loves unconditionally.

And what I've really noticed the last few days, is that he doesn't give up. He's not afraid to challenge himself or work hard. He has strength far beyond my own and every day I fall in love with him more and more.

Today is officially my grump day.

1. I have a million things to do and not enough time to do them all! It's so close to Christmas and yet it doesn't 'feel' Christmasy enough. That frustrates me. I look forward to this all year 'round and this year just seems to be falling short of all the hype it usually brings.
2. My pet peeve is dirty/sticky floors. I hate walking around barefoot and feeling crumbs crunch under my feet as I walk through the kitchen. It makes me feel sick. haha and angry. Ironically, I also hate to sweep. So what do you get when you have an entire home with no carpet and a mischievous 1 year old? crunchy sticky feet, that's what. This morning Noah threw his sippy cup FULL of juice off his highchair where it spilled everywhere. Twice. The second time it splashed all over the wall. I thought I was going to lose it. I calmly walked away from the screaming child and cried in my bedroom for a good 5 minutes. There's nothing better than a good cry
3. I'm a fatty. No, seriously. I was looking through pictures of Noah's birthday. WHOA. If anyone has any idea's for photo shopping a whale out of a picture, I'm all ears.
4. Laundry: the bane of my existence. 'Nuff said.
5. I love snow and all, but what's with the minus retarded temperatures?? I feel like I'm stuck inside. It's starting to drive me crazy. We went grocery shopping on Saturday and I was just way too hard with Noah. I felt so bad for the little guy. I am seriously excited to move and I hope Ed gets accepted somewhere very, very warm.

Speaking of Noah, the poor little guy has such a hard time growing his pearly whites. He is in the middle of pushing out his two front ones. He's a crying, drooling, whining mess. But on the up side, he also cuddles. Which is something he STRONGLY protests on a regular day. Sometimes having a sick little babe is a good thing :) I think I have the perfect remedy for my grumpiness. A snowed in day snuggling with my little man!

Peace

power of prayer

Our little man is currently obsessed with stairs. As I'm sure most of the kids his age are. They are still trying to figure out their wobbly little legs and are curious about absolutely everything.

We don't have any stairs in our apartment, so naturally when he sees them he's out of his mind excited. The kid has no fear. I've been trying to teach him while we are staying at my Mom's house this week to sit on his bum, turn around and slide down them on his tummy.

I'm losing this one.

He is SO stubborn and refuses to do it that way. He thinks he's a big boy and would rather walk down them, one at a time, like a grown up. Whoa, Son... I don't want you growing up that fast.

We've had a few close calls the last couple of days. With watching 7 or 8 day home kids, plus him it's tough to keep the gate up blocking the stairs all the time.

Last night he managed to get away from us. All I heard was Janay yell "Kevyn, stairs!" I'm still amazed that I made it up off the floor, around the piano and banister to grab a handful of his pajama's just in time. He had walked off the first step kind of bounced and was about to fall head first down the rest. I have no doubt that he was being watched over by our Father in Heaven, and that we were able to get to him in time.

My one leg slid down the stairs after him and the other one was left to fend for itself back up in the hallway. The end result looked like some form of hurtler position just as they are about to jump. The difference being, I am sooo not in shape. It killed. I'm still popping the Advil.

It had been a really long day to begin with and that was about the last thing I needed. I think I hugged him a little to tight while I cried.

I was reading an article the other day about two women who were discussing their families. One of them admitted that she sometimes forgot to pray at night. The other woman looked very serious and said "You should always remember to say your prayers. Your children need them." I have a strong testimony of the power of prayer and I know that Noah was being protected because of the prayers of safety I say for my family every day.

Even though falling down a flight of stairs may not have have caused much harm, I would have carried the guilt for a long time. I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who hears and answers our prayers. I hope I will always remember to utter prayers of safety for my family and friends.

Okay - now I can breath again. I've had the weight of updating my blog on my shoulders for weeks now, and I can officially check it off the list. Whew - 1 down 20 more to go. Progress is progress.

I read something the other day that said, 80% of us procrastinate, 20% of us make it a habit. It really hit me. I fit well into the 20% category. I have definately made it a habit in my life and, well I just wasn't happy with myself. I wasn't getting the satisfaction out of life that seems to come to naturally for most people. So while I was away, not blogging, I did some soul searching so to speak and decided to make some changes. Best thing ever. I feel more organized, more ready to face my everyday life with a positive attitude. It also rubs off a great deal on Noah and Ed I find. Both are happier and let go more, which makes life for all of us more easy going and enjoyable. I'm only sad that I didn't figure this out sooner. Everything has a time and purpose though, so I am incredibly greatful for the lesson, no matter when it came.

Moving on,

About a week ago my Doctor sent me to a dermatologist for something on my foot. (I'll spare you the icky details) She saw me and I had barely learned her name when she informed me that I would need a small surgery and that she would do it right then and there.

Umm excuse me?? Did you say surgery as in I would need a needle in my foot??
( I was just crying to Ed that this might happen moments ago in the car. He told me that he would be right there with me and it would be alright. Unfortunately Noah was starting to act up in the waiting room so Ed took him for a walk)
Great! Lovely! The thought of running out of the room crossed my mind.

She told me it would only take a 1/2 hour and when my pale face squeaked out "can I got get my husband?" she gave me such a ridiculous look that I knew I would not be getting any sympathy from her so I decided to shut up and be brave. After all, I'd endured 26 hours of labour, how bad could it be??

WORSE.

Way worse. If I had to feel that kind of pain for 26 hours straight, I wouldn't have made it to hour #2 without passing out. Thankfully in total it lasted about 2 minutes. Still too long if you ask me, but what do I know. I had nail marks in my hands and I'm pretty sure I scraped some paint off of the wall but I didn't cry. Ohhhhh no I didn't shed one tear.

Until she left the room of course. Then I cried. The pain may not have gone on long enough to cry about, but as I have previously mentioned, crying is my forte. It's my thing, it's what I do. There's this whole cleansed feeling after a good cry that feels wonderful.

Any old how, here's my advice to you, if you are ever faced with the decision of getting a needle in your toe, or cutting your foot off. Cut that foot OFF! Who really needs it??

I realize I have some catching up to do with some pretty fun events in the last month that we have missed. So we'll start with the first one...

Halloween:

My cute little Monkey Trick or Treating

Noah deciding he in fact doesn't like superhero's.

* Next event, Noah's 'big' birthday.

Stay tuned...

oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh

ladies and gentlemen...

We have a tooth!

Weeeelll, not a whole tooth,
not even half a tooth

It's more liiiiike, a pointy edge of a tooth.

You can't see it yet, but you can sure feel it.

And just shy of his first birthday! Awww, good job buddy

an update.... soon

Today I was really, really in the mood for a big blog update.

Sadly, my battery charger for my camera is lost in the endless Abyss that is my bedroom.

Why is it that my room is the 'drop' place for everything that needs to be put away? At first it's just a few harmless things that get thrown on the bed when we are 'straightening up' before someone comes over. Then before I know it, the whole room is taken over with piles and piles of things that don't belong.

And I know I am in for a long day of sorting and putting away.

Right now we are navigating through the piles just to get to our closet. Yesterday I had to explain to Ed that his belt was in the third pile to the left of the two piles at the end of the bed. He was in there for 15 minutes. Pffffft, amature.

Some may think this is a gross display of slothful-lazinatitis. Well that's just too darn bad. That's life today in the Caballero home.

Tomorrow, when I've had a good healthy breakfast and my husband is on hand to man the little speed racer (who zooms everywhere with his push walker these days ) maybe things will get a little organized. maybe.

love you forever, like you for always, as long as i'm living, my baby you'll be

Why is it whenever I think about my Son's impending first birthday, my heart leaps into my throat, tears well up in my eyes and I struggle for breath?

I keep thinking that perhaps if we just don't pay attention, if we just don't celebrate. If we look the other way when November 11th comes and goes, somehow my baby won't get older. That maybe he'll stay short and toothless and keep needing me in that baby way of his for the rest of his life.

I never imagined being this attached to another human being. Especially one that gave me so much trouble right from the start. I think that's why I feel so cheated. I spent countless hours wearing out the floor of our little apartment. Pleading with him for some sleep, some break in his raging Colic.

Sure, I complain sometimes. Okay... alot, but the truth is I bonded with the little guy so much over those ridiculously trying 5 1/2 months that it's hard for me to accept the fact that he won't need me like that ever again. And that sucks.

There's something about going through a trial with someone that makes you more in tune with one another when it's over.

Why is it when I picture my big 1 year old, I see college, mission, marriage right around the corner.

I talked to Ed about my frustrations the other night. Here's how it went...

Me: Ed, my baby is turning one soon.

Him: I know Kev.

Me: Isn't there something you can do about that?

Him: *laughs* Like what, stop him from growing up?

Me: Yes, please.

Him: *laughs again* I don't think there's much I can do about that.

Me: I hate this.

Here's what I know.

I love my little man, and I know I will love my bigger man. I am excited for each milestone in his life, even though I know they will bring me closer to the day when I will have to let him go. I know that I should stop being selfish and remember that this is about him, not me. That this is an exciting time in his life and I am blessed to be a major part of it.

I also know that even though he may get older, taller, smarter, and with alot of luck... quieter..... this kid?... he will always be my baby.

I'm so in love

tonight

Just came back from a fantabulous evening with a wonderful friend. I love her to death. If I had half of her goodness I would be a much better person . Love ya babe!

I am so thankful for incredible women in my life. Women who are kind, thoughtful, selfless, pure of heart, hilarious and just all around beautiful! The ones who look for the good in people, who are slow to judge, and quick to lend a helping hand. The ones I admire and aspire to be like.

The world could use more women like these.