I've done it. I'm sad about it. Don't know how to fix it.
As if I don't already have enough insecurities about being a Mother. I have raised a spoiled child.
You may ask yourself, is it possible to spoil a little baby? Well I am here to tell you, it is. and I have done it.
Congratulations to me.
I have mananged to spoil an innocent babe just shy of his 4 month birthday. I must have broken some kind of record somewhere. I'm sure the trophy would read 'World's worst first time Mother, watch out' or something to that effect.
I had plans. So many big plans about how good of a Mom I was going to be. Boy did that go down hill. Fast.
I was under the impression, you know from my
vast experience as an Auntie, that raising my own kids would be... well not easy, but not nearly as hard as this has been.
How does one fail in motherhood in
under 4 months?!
Furthermore, I did not in a million years ever think I would have a Colicky baby. Well it just goes to show you how unpredictable life is. Oh and I've learned my lesson, dont ever make plans for the future. You just never know how it will turn out.
This is very possibly the most depressing post of my short blogging life.
I could just scream.
Why does no one ever tell you how hard this mothering thing can actually be??
And why do I feel jealous and self-critical when I see other moms with easy babies. Or hear how much they 'just love being a mom! it's the greatest thing in the world!' Humph.
Their enthusiasm makes me want to puke. Or cry. Maybe both.
I used to believe this is what I was designed to be. A mother and a wife. Well imagine my surprise when I came to the realization that I'm not very good at either of those roles.
I have concluded that because I have never heard of anyone having as tough a time as I am having, it has to be me. Alllll me.
I'm in a real pickle here.
I never would have thought that I could fail at something that I always believed came naturally. You know, that 'maternal instinct' everyone talks about?
Well, I think I'm missing mine.
If anyone has an extra one, I would be willing to make some kind of trade.